if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i need an iv and a liver transplant
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
