Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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