Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize