so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
