TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
