You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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