I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize