So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
