ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
