I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
