I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I can feel your judgement through the phone
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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