creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
