so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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