She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize