I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
