This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
