cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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