I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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