I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
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