Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
