Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize