Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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