Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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