If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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