how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
