If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
