i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You took a bar mat shot.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
