Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize