Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize
