do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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