i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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