I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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