The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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