so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
