Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
