im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
