I wish I could punch you in the face.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize