Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
