I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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