An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
