Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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