So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
