my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
