YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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