everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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