you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
