i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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