I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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