He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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