My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
