Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize