dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
