yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
