It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
