wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
