She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
