i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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