i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
