Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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