My nipple is on Facebook.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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