My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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