Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
