I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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