Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
