Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
