I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
My dick has a subreddit
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