So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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