Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
