So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
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