But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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